A “routine” for the next 2.5 months

6 weeks postpartum is often seen as a milestone of sorts. My doctors announced on Thursday that I was cleared to go back to exercising as normal. I was like, yay! But then after that, I was like wait, things have to go back to normal? THERE IS NOTHING NORMAL ABOUT NOW HAVING A CHILD IN YOUR LIFE!! And so the “balancing” begins… how do new moms go about creating a new life that works for them? Especially when sleep schedules and hormones are still in flux? Obviously I have no idea, but as with everything, I guess mindfulness, trial and error, reading/watching YouTube videos and talking to other parents will provide the answer to all. I’ll come back to me. I imagine everyone is more interested in how Arden is doing 😬

The little pumpkin is now about 10lbs! I can’t imagine some babies come out of the womb this big 😱 She is generally doing well — a happy curious baby that is smiling more and who is vocal with her needs. Right at this moment I am in the nursery with her listening to all kinds of “struggling” noises. I’m learning to intuit which noises mean “come attend to me before I full on scream” vs “I’m just talking to myself you can leave me alone and I’ll be fine.” Seems like a fun game but with high stakes ha.

So often the portrayal of parenthood is the struggle (which is real of course) or the upside images of things they do that are funny or poignant. I’ve found so far that a mom’s internal experience is less discussed — it’s hard to put into words, and even less so when you are sleep deprived. Brandi Carlile does a dam fine job in “The Mother”, which I rewatched for the first time tonight since giving birth, and yeah, it feels different. It feels… deeper and well, ineffable. My experience has been like, like, kneading dough, your fingers searching out those little balls of flour that haven’t yet assimilated into the mixture. It is little eureka moments of emotion or concepts that didn’t previously exist — like for the first time, a few days ago, I said out loud to Arden, “I love you”. That felt profound. Even the concept of “daughter” or “child” which till now has been purely biological in my mind, is beginning to take on a new emotional texture. I’m not being particular coherent, so I’m going to go back to posting lots of pictures 😬

If you are so inclined to share with me your internal experience as a parent, or if you have any books/resources on this topic to recommend, I’d be most appreciative! ❤️