Adventures with Arden

• Arden is 7.5months!
  by Li Han
  April 16, 2022

  Hello world!!

  Of course I haven’t written in about 3 months. That last blog post felt like a whole other lifetime ago. We have so much to report, and will start with the highlights:

  • Arden scooted up the stairs to the second floor today! She is hyper-mobile and we’ve been child-proofing the house in a hurry.
  • She’s started eating solid foods. With a Singaporean mom, and another mom who used to work at a James Beard restaurant, it is no wonder she is a good eater 🙂
  • We took a trip to Madison to visit family. Arden met her cousins and had a blast!
  • We don’t have any consistent help yet. Tandy is amazing 😍❤️
  • I have been back at work three months now, and just completed 3 years at Zoox!

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  As is probably apparent from these photos, I think I can safely say we are enjoying motherhood! We are very fortunate Arden is healthy and a relatively easy baby with reasonable demands. She is serene, curious and very busy exploring the world. Day to day, it’s a delight to re-experience the world through her eyes and see her discover new skills that she so proudly shows off.

  At a more meta level, being a mother has added a layer of richness to many existing relationships in my life, especially with my mom. Arden allows us to relate to each other in a new way and allows us to inhabit new roles in our lives, and relate to each other in those new roles (mother / grandmother vs mother/daughter. )

  Being a mother has also made me deeply aware of this community called “mothers” that spans centuries (past and future), and that is imbued with wisdom, love, tradition and mutual caretaking. It is a community we are now a part of.

  Gratitude on all all all levels. I am sitting now in the Chicago airport, coming home from my second work trip to the Bay Area. My heart is full from being with my friends and colleagues who I love and feel so connected to. And i am so looking forward to being reunited with my family. How lucky I am.

  

  

• We survived my first week of work!
  by Li Han
  January 9, 2022

  

  Indeed we survived. I feel so incredibly lucky. Not only did I LOVE maternity leave, I enjoyed my first week of being back at work too. It was lovely to see everyone, and I didn’t feel particularly “behind”. In fact, due to the long holidays and folks being out sick, I felt decently energetic and organised compared to everyone else 😬.

  

  And yes enjoying work of course is only possible also because we have help — we would not survive otherwise. We were very lucky to find a COVID-conscious and experienced nanny, Theresa, to support us 5 hours a day. Arden was very serene and happy with her this week and it was very assuring. Though it snowed a ton Thursday and Friday, and Theresa was snowed in and couldn’t come! Even then we survived, and Arden joined a meeting or two ❤️

  

  Working from home has been a godsend. I can only imagine HOW MUCH HARDER IT IS for folks who have to go into the office. The commute. The pumping between meetings. No mid-day cuddles. Baby care arrangements falling through. Getting dressed for work in easy to pump clothes. Well, having to get a new work / pump wardrobe now that I am 7lbs over my normal weight. Gosh. The list is pretty long. And then of course there is not sleeping through the night so any extra time doing something else is time not sleeping… we have decided not to start sleep training Arden yet. It’s a longer story but for now, we are going to be baby-led. Ask me next week 😬😆😵‍💫

  Even with work, I still feel decently present for many of Arden’s developments, though I suspect this is mostly because Tandy captures so many awesome videos and pictures of her throughout the day. Videos seem to render funny here, so head to the Arden gallery for videos. Photos of the week below.

  

  

  

  

  

  

  Going to bed now. I should make it a habit sleep more when Arden is sleeping!

  

• Happy 2022 everyone!!
  by Li Han
  January 3, 2022

  2021 was certainly a year to remember. We have so much to be grateful for — a healthy baby, loving family and friends who rallied around our new family unit, and relative physical, emotional and financial safety in a world that seems to be increasingly going bonkers. These four months of maternity leave, luxurious by US standards, have provided me with much space to experience life anew. One minute I am “nap-trapped” under a sleeping baby watching her sleep. The next moment I am reading about (and experiencing) climate change, learning of another shooting, or watching a movie where children are being ill-treated, and my thoughts immediately jump to Arden and the world she will be inheriting. Other times we are creating community with mothers who are still generously donating breast milk to us — we have some coming all the way from the bay area and Seattle. In another moment we read about sleep training and work out baby care options when I return to work (yay we have a nanny!). Then I’m back to watching the little one roll around (yes she can now roll back to front and front to back!!) or jump around in her jumperoo. All is to say our lives revolve around all facets of this tiny little being — no surprise. 🙂 makes me wonder about if u how I spent my time before Arden!!

  You’ll see below snippets from the run up to 2022, and a few photos from when my family visited (I LOVE MY FAMILY!). I also post photos and videos on a semi-regular basis in the Arden Gallery.

  I go back to work tomorrow with some grief that this very special time is over, and with much joy and excitement at seeing my colleagues again. I do really like them 🙂 My 2022 resolution? To bring as much wisdom and calm that I can to each moment, regardless of how much screaming is going on, how many things I have to juggle, or how little sleep I’ve had. I will also endeavour to always take action mindfully and correlate with what I’m committed to. And what am I committed to? It’s always hard to articulate these things, but (as a first pass!) I’m committed to being a part of a loving and vibrant, family, community and team at work, where I am showing up powerfully, lovingly, authentically and vulnerably. Seems highly aspirational, but worth a shot 🙂

  Best wishes in 2022 from our household to yours. May it bring you and your loved ones much joy, good health, and many adventures to remember.

  

  https://videopress.com/v/eZMAnC0f?resizeToParent=true&cover=true&preloadContent=metadata

  https://videopress.com/v/gZMK7JpW?resizeToParent=true&cover=true&preloadContent=metadata

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  https://videopress.com/v/GZZZgB1g?resizeToParent=true&cover=true&preloadContent=metadata

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  https://videopress.com/v/Iej1Hyir?resizeToParent=true&cover=true&preloadContent=metadata

  That’s all for now. It’s past midnight, and yes, I have to go to work tomorrow. But I go to bed smiling and with my heart full. Life is good. 🙂

• Happy birthday Arden! You’re 12 weeks old today 😍🤗
  by Li Han
  November 17, 2021

  How time flies! So much has gone on since the last time we wrote.

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  Milk production continues to be a challenge. Firstly, pumping 8 times a day is only possible if one stays home all day and does nothing else. Secondly, feeling bad during pumping is actually a thing (D-MER — Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex). Wow. Yup. I, like many others, do feel that my life juice is being sucked out of me after I’m done pumping and it doesn’t feel great. Secondly, I’ve tried all manner of supplements etc and seriously, the only thing that seems to consistently bring in milk is very dark beer. We tried non-alcoholic beer and could only find amber ales and that didn’t work. So I checked in with the doc she confirmed a standard beer a day is fine, as along as I pump 2 hours after the drink. So we went out and got some dark porters and yup, volume went up. Thing is, I haven’t had beer in so long it is making me feel bloated and sluggish. Anyhoo. Long story short, we’ve decided not to stress it — we will commit to 6 pumps a day. No beer if it makes me feel icky. I had a chat with Arden and told her how it was going to be. She seemed ok with it. 😬

  On the nursing front, the lactation consultants recommended I focused on one thing at a time, and offer the boob as an option in a low stakes kind of way. What this means is I try to offer the boob during skin to skin time, but don’t get much action outside of that. Such is life. We have decided not to stress it, will go as long as we can on donated breast milk and try to hit the six month mark when solids can be introduced. If we don’t make it, well then formula it will have to be. Happy mamas happy baby.

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  I am aware that Tandy’s experience of being a mom is quite different my journey. We spend much less time together compared to before, and check-ins are limited in depth by time, all that has to get done, and energy levels. We are lucky — good communication and love (and what I think has been a fairly easy baby) has been what has kept things from going absolutely sideways and we are doing decently. I am very grateful that Tandy loves on Arden and I the way she does, and holds us both when we need holding. ❤️❤️ I’m certain we will continue to optimise “the way we do this” — like hey a novel idea we should not just schedule Arden time and alone time, what about couple time?! We are working though what our care model will look like when I return to work in January and we have our fingers crossed that things will work out well.

  For now, family is coming in a few days, prep is almost done, and we are super excited!! 🎉😍❤️

• Arden is now 2 months old!
  by Li Han
  October 28, 2021

  It’s a tradition in this household to acknowledge the anniversary of our partnership on a monthly basis (Tandy and I have been together one hundred and fourteen months!). So it’s no surprise that we similarly acknowledged Arden’s two month birthday. She had her doc appointment yesterday and is doing well, weighing in at 4.87kg (10 lbs 12 oz). She is 55cm long and has a head circumference of 39.5cm. That equates to being 33 percentile for weight. 14 percentile for length. And 84 percentile for head circumference…. That means she is short and chubby has a big head. Sounds about right!! 😆. Before I share about the DC leg of the trip, here is her first big milestone upon coming home. WAH!

  

  

  

  It’s been incredible that the trip went as smoothly as it did, and I am clear that would not have happened if not for some really amazing friends and family that offered to host us, hold the baby when we needed the load the car, or take a shower. All these amazing mamas KNOW what it is like “in the trenches” and literally insist on helping because they know we are too shy to ask for help. I’m talking about you Syd and Amy and Angela. THANK YOU SO MUCH. And to everyone who has showered little baby Arden with lovely gifts — the outpouring of love and support for this phase in our lives has been truly heart-warming —thank you.

  

  I have two more months of maternity leave left, and I have some projects set out for myself. The first is getting my milk production up so that I am feeding Arden 100%. The second is getting her to nurse at least some of the time. The third is getting all my doc appts in place (pelvic floor therapist, lactation consultant, chiropractor? acupuncturist? — thank gawd for Tandy who will help with this). The fourth is getting ready for my family to descend upon us over thanksgiving through mid Dec! I am so excited to be with them and for everyone to meet Arden.

  And as I wrap my mind around all these projects, I am infuriated at the public policy priorities that AGAIN, undervalue the enormous amount of healing and care-giving that needs to be done when a child is born — the bulk of which is shouldered by women. And completely livid that this was in essence blocked by a single male senator. Sadly, no surprise given powerful folks like Elon Musk have the perspective they do on what fathers do. Paid family leave IS NOT a job perk. It is a foundational requirement for a healthy society and workforce. I am grateful to be one of 20% who enjoy paid family leave, and it is the lack of federal support for programs like these that contribute to significant inequalities in our world. Yes, we are making great strides in many other areas with this bill (climate change! early childhood education! child care!) but it still isn’t enough, and we all must keep advocating for greater support.

  

• The passage of time
  by Li Han
  October 20, 2021

  Greetings from Chapel Hill, NC! We’ve been on the road since Thursday and Arden turns 8 weeks tomorrow. This is her first time in another state! In another time zone! Time certainly has flown by — traveling with a baby requires so much more of well, everything. She’s been a very good traveler and continues to delight many with her expressive way of being. The top of her head peeks out of the carrier now — think this means her torso is getting longer! The little birthmark on her head is getting smaller — meaning her head is getting bigger? 🤔 👶🏼 She is now grabbing at things like her wraps and my hair, and often guides / holds the bottle while feeding. It’s really cute 🙂

  Here are some pictures and videos from our time in Asheville, and Chapel Hill.

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  This blog has been a nice forcing function to sit down capture memories as time passes, even if I don’t get the time to curate “the best” pictures and videos, or even write coherently. We’ve had some significant & sombre health-related news on both sides of our family which weighs on our hearts. I feel deeply the desire to be present and grateful for all that is, to prioritize continually expressing love for family and chosen community, and to consciously spend time being loving, thoughtful and kind. It’s not easy when you’re sleep deprived but it seems so important to try hard.

  The passage of time has taken on a new dimension — time passing is now also in relation to how old Arden will be. Before, “20 years from now” didn’t mean a whole lot (perhaps hindered by my lack of imagination), and didn’t have a lot of granularity. But now, I can say wow, Arden will possibly be a junior in college (if they decide to go to college…), and I can imagine what that was like for me and how perhaps it was like for my parents.

  I am also doing the math frequently — “when Arden is x, I will be y”, and I’ve sat with being an older mother a lot these last few weeks. Tandy has grappled with this more certainly, but I am thinking so far, as with everything, there are pros and cons. The obvious downside is the (limited) amount of energy we have, and how much help we need for this to be an enjoyable experience. On average, we expect to have less time with Arden as they get older. Will I get to see her in her 30s? 40s? 50s? Grandchildren? It’s easy to say well, quality time vs quantity. Sure, but there is some false equivalence there.

  “Retirement” is going to look quite different for us too. I see younger parents have a new lease of life in their 50s when their kids leave the nest — that must be fun and freeing at that point 🙂

  There are upsides of course — it is great to be self-aware, more mature and confident when being a mom (guess it took me a while to get there…). As an example, I wouldn’t have dealt quite as well with this whole breast milk production issue if I had less self-awareness and the confidence to pursue the path that felt right, regardless of what others might say or think.

  

  [side note: Speaking of breastmilk — it’s coming in more now! Some combination of pumping more, eating more carbs, drinking beer (these are my first alcoholic drinks in over a year!) seems to have made a difference. I’m keeping up with Arden’s increased appetite and am supplementing about 50% now of what she needs. I’m confident I’ll be able to ramp that up some more as time passes. Just need the right boob to wake up some. The size difference between the two is quite significant!!]

  I also don’t have gnawing feelings around other things I might be missing out on. I’ve done what I needed to do, had my adventures, gotten my yayas out and this is the adventure for now. It feels right, and easier to be present. Maybe the novelty of a baby hasn’t worn off and the mind-numbing routine of burping and diaper changes hasn’t gotten to me yet… check-in with me in 6 or 24 months… it’d be interesting to see how having Arden impacts my feelings towards my career. We’ll see 🙂

  For now — I am full of gratitude, and appreciative that I am on maternity leave. That I get to do the night shift (and sleep in tomorrow) so I can hold her when she wakes and wants to be held and soothed at night. She usually starts to stir around 12-1a and then around 5a-6p. The whole routine takes about 30mins to an hour. Up to an hour and a half if I include pumping. Not too bad. She’s a sweetheart, ❤️😍 and time keeps passing.

  Off to DC tomorrow.

• A “routine” for the next 2.5 months
  by Li Han
  October 11, 2021

  6 weeks postpartum is often seen as a milestone of sorts. My doctors announced on Thursday that I was cleared to go back to exercising as normal. I was like, yay! But then after that, I was like wait, things have to go back to normal? THERE IS NOTHING NORMAL ABOUT NOW HAVING A CHILD IN YOUR LIFE!! And so the “balancing” begins… how do new moms go about creating a new life that works for them? Especially when sleep schedules and hormones are still in flux? Obviously I have no idea, but as with everything, I guess mindfulness, trial and error, reading/watching YouTube videos and talking to other parents will provide the answer to all. I’ll come back to me. I imagine everyone is more interested in how Arden is doing 😬

  The little pumpkin is now about 10lbs! I can’t imagine some babies come out of the womb this big 😱 She is generally doing well — a happy curious baby that is smiling more and who is vocal with her needs. Right at this moment I am in the nursery with her listening to all kinds of “struggling” noises. I’m learning to intuit which noises mean “come attend to me before I full on scream” vs “I’m just talking to myself you can leave me alone and I’ll be fine.” Seems like a fun game but with high stakes ha.

  

  

  

  

  

  So often the portrayal of parenthood is the struggle (which is real of course) or the upside images of things they do that are funny or poignant. I’ve found so far that a mom’s internal experience is less discussed — it’s hard to put into words, and even less so when you are sleep deprived. Brandi Carlile does a dam fine job in “The Mother”, which I rewatched for the first time tonight since giving birth, and yeah, it feels different. It feels… deeper and well, ineffable. My experience has been like, like, kneading dough, your fingers searching out those little balls of flour that haven’t yet assimilated into the mixture. It is little eureka moments of emotion or concepts that didn’t previously exist — like for the first time, a few days ago, I said out loud to Arden, “I love you”. That felt profound. Even the concept of “daughter” or “child” which till now has been purely biological in my mind, is beginning to take on a new emotional texture. I’m not being particular coherent, so I’m going to go back to posting lots of pictures 😬

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  If you are so inclined to share with me your internal experience as a parent, or if you have any books/resources on this topic to recommend, I’d be most appreciative! ❤️

• Greetings from the edge of the Great Smoky Mountains!
  by Li Han
  October 4, 2021

  The last few days have been a blur. It might have been a little ambitious to do as much as we had planned these last few days, but it’s been memorable and a lot of fun (for me at least 😬😍). Arden is generally doing well — she seems to be sleeping and eating fairly regularly (waking herself up every 1-3 hours to feed) and so I’ve started to put her down after she falls asleep, even if I end up running back in 5mins when she stirs. We tested the binkie but she wasn’t having any of it. We did have occasion to use the little suction bulb and out came some boogers successfully!

  

  To prepare for our trips, we got some extra storage on Otto (the car). Thank goodness they had the exact model I wanted at REI!! A tub on Otto’s roof just wouldn’t have worked.

  

  

  

  

  

  This trip didn’t seem like much at all but I was completely spent on Friday and spent most of it sleeping, even though Aaliyah came and supported us Thursday night. She cooked THE MOST AMAZING beef short ribs overnight (did we mention she had culinary training?!) and most of it was gone before dinner. 🤤 I will restrain myself next time and take a picture for y’all before I dig in (at breakfast…)

  

  

  

  Today has mostly been about getting packed up for this three-night trip to the Smokies. I swear at least half of the things in the car are Arden-related…

  

  

  Ok off to bed. Can’t wait to be in the woods tomorrow. The night sky is full of stars and the air, very crisp.

• Adventuring further afield
  by Li Han
  September 30, 2021

  Maternity leave is a wonderful thing, especially once mom heals up a bit and you get into the swing of things with baby care. I’m still taking things pretty slowly but am beginning to try new things with Arden. I’m so grateful for the time, energy and emotional and mental space to do these things!

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  We are gearing up for a road trip to DC (normally a 10 hour drive) so Arden can meet her grandparents. Each of these little local trips has broadened a little more of what we do with Arden and increased our comfort level. Step by step!

  As I spend my days adventuring with the little one, I think to myself, what am I going to do when I have to go back to work? 😱 how will I be able to fully enjoy the journey with this child?! This will be a question I get to dwell in in the coming months, and possibly for years to come.

  In the meantime, I know how lucky I am to have this time with her and am so grateful — I know many in America are not as fortunate as I am (can read about the issues here). It’s such a rich time and gosh the month has just flown by. Every one with kids tells me — enjoy every moment because before you know it they will be 18 and leave the nest. I get it…!

• Little celebrations!!
  by Li Han
  September 25, 2021

  Arden turned four weeks old yesterday!! And Tandy and I celebrated being our 113th month anniversary!! ‘Twas a big day 🤗. To commemorate the special occasions, we decided to go to our local library and get Arden her library card! It was such a fun outing. Here are the three books we came back with.

  

  This little kiddo is now eating very well, and it really feels like she is eating all the time. She refuses to be left alone for more than a few minutes when she is not eating, but since she’s so cute I am not minding having her in my arms all day.

  

  Here is to many more little celebrations together. I am very grateful for everyone who has helped us get here, and who helped us not just survive, but dare I say, thrive. Our families and friends loved on us by generously giving their words of encouragement, time and resources, and also passed down all their wisdom and used baby things that I never knew I needed. Neighbours and people I’ve never met from church dropped off food as part of a meal train. Medical providers have been gentle and meticulous in their care, and often spend more than 30mins with us at each visit (unheard of). And most excitingly, I feel like we are discovering a tribe of mothers (including friends who are mothers who I feel I understand more deeply now) who have been so encouraging of our journey, and who have also provided community, support and breast milk (!).

  

  Tandy and I recently watched a video of Arden coming out of my body. Wow. That is literally all I can say about that right now. Ping us if you want to see it.

• Arden is out of the woods, turns 4 weeks old tomorrow!
  by Li Han
  September 23, 2021

  No pun intended, but the doctor literally said it today, Arden is out of the woods!

  

  She weighs 8lbs 3.9oz, and has a bilirubin level of 10.6, down from 11.9. Yaay! It’s really wonderful to be able to settle into this (at least until the next thing comes up…). She measures 52cm, though I’m really suspicious of the consistency of those measurements given how squirmy babies are… So, not a tall baby, but well, that makes sense 👍🏼😂

  

  

  We had a few days where she was fussing a lot and had plenty of gas coming out both ends with a good amount of spit up. So instead of rotating her on a diet of different donor milk each day, Tandy did some research and decided it was better to have her stick to just one donor’s milk at a time (supplemented by my milk) — the theory being similar to feeding a dog — don’t introduce new foods without phasing it in. And that seemed to have gone well these last two days. I have to remember that Arden is doing many of these things for the first time in her life (breathing air! peeing! pooping! drinking milk! digesting milk in an ever growing stomach!), and it’s going to take a while for her to get used to, and get better at, doing all these things.

  

  I very much appreciate the human body — it’s really an amazing organism. Here are a number of physical changes occurring in the household.

  • my belly button outie is back to being an in-ie! I lost 15lbs immediately after birth, and another 5lbs since then. I basically fit into my old clothes (snugly) except the most unforgiving pants.
  • I feel like my organs have “dropped” lower in my body
  • Arden looking a bit more Asian!
  • Arden’s hair is growing darker, but still has one blondish eyebrow
  • Arden’s lost her baby smell! (it was wonderful while it lasted 🙂 )
  • Arden’s found her fingers / hand to suck on and soothe herself.

  

  

  My breast milk is still pretty slow in coming in and hasn’t particularly increased (still around half an oz an hour or so). Pumping was making me nauseous and seemed correlate to pain in my breast tissue even when I wasn’t pumping. So for the last few days, I’ve exclusively hand-expressed/massaged into the haakaa (the invention of which is a life-saver). I try to massage my breasts as often as I can to stimulate it, and also to reduce engorgement. This, combined with Arden being a cluster/slow feeder, means I nurse her only about once a day — when I have milk in the boob and when she is “hungry”. I feel a little sad about this when I think about it… it’s the sort of bonding thing that books and images tell you about. But then again, the convenience of feeding her via the bottle is pretty nice, and it’s not like we’re not bonding on other ways (I hold her all the time), so I’m alright with it.

  

  

  Arden has very much developed an interest in the world. She is awake a lot more, curious, and always looking around with those dark eyes (except when she is fussing with her eyes closed ha). She seems to know what we are saying sometimes and “helps us out” when we make a request to open her mouth or move her arm. She loves to look out of the window, or at the chandelier, and well, has the cutest fingers and toes.

  

  It’s tempting to want to do other things when I’m with her, like read, or write a post, straighten up the house, but I remind myself that these early days are so precious (how have four weeks already passed?!) and that all I need to do (i) is go slow and keep my heart full to heal, (ii) rest as much as I can, (iii) be in community, (iv) stay connected to love and be present in each beautiful (or sleepless) moment.

  Having said that, we/I have been doing a bit more, and I feel very blessed to be able to have this experience and lead this life.

  

  

  

  

  Little Arden is safe and healthy and Tandy and I love each other very much and are absolutely enjoying parenthood together. Two of the most valuable insights I’ve had so far are (i) That giving birth and the postpartum experience has for centuries and across cultures been an act of community, tradition and ritual that women are fortunate to have a chance to be a part of — where they are taken care of, held and loved by their community. This isn’t today’s reality for so many unfortunately. I realize I’ve been lucky to experience some of this, but gosh, if I had tuned into this earlier, my entire previous occurring of how difficult and lonely this journey was going to be in these early months and weeks, would have been different; (ii) I feel like I’ve been a terrible friend to all my mother friends as they have gone through birth and recovery!! I see now how people who have been through it before know what to do and how to help, and I really had no idea how best to be of service and support them. Well, I know now!!

  

  

  Thank you everyone who is following along here and sending us messages of love and encouragement. It means the world to us. ❤️😍🎉

• Doc appointments being slowly replaced by fun things!
  by Li Han
  September 16, 2021

  

  At Arden’s doc appointment on Tuesday, she weighed 7lbs 4.8 oz. and bilirubin measured 11.9. Which is great! Our job is now to help her keep putting on more weight. The next doctor’s appointment for her is in 10days. YAY the biggest time lag in appointments for her since her birth. Happy 3 weeks old Arden!

  We did have to go to a doctor’s appointment yesterday, and this time, for me. I am healing decently. I do still walk very slowly, my uterus is still bleeding a bit, but my stitches in my perineal area have almost completely resolved. I do have about two fingers worth of abdominal separation (aka diastasis recti — why my belly moved into a triangle shape when I would use my abdominal muscles to say sit up, and I still have that triangle now!) So in about another three weeks I will start with a pelvic floor therapist. The midwife said it takes about a year for the body to fully heal after birth, and if we want a second child, we should let st least 18 months pass, from birth to birth. Gosh. I can hardly imagine going through all this again, and so soon!!

  We also had an opportunity to ask questions about the birth experience – they say it’s good to seek answers around any birth / pregnancy trauma so it doesn’t get in the way of future pregnancies. We didn’t get a whole lot of answers but at least we asked the questions. Arden’s “traumatic birth” was probably a result of simply coming out the birth canal and getting squished. There was also no clear reason why she didn’t cry right away when she was evicted from my body. There was a moment where it looked like her shoulder was in the way, but she adjusted quickly. I only pushed for about 45-50min so it’s unlikely she had severe trauma. As to what they did to get her to cry — possibly they sucked fluid out of her to make sure she could breathe. But all in, Una the midwife said it wasn’t particularly serious and if it were, she wouldn’t have been placed in my chest and would have gone straight to the NICU. There was also a moment when Una stepped away just for a minute and Arden’s forehead suddenly completely exited and the nurse was like “get the midwife! I can’t deliver this baby!” And literally asked me to stop push and put her hand seemingly to prevent the baby from making further progress. Una said this was to prevent tearing of my vagina as you want the baby’s chin to be pointed down as she comes out and well, midwives handle all of that. So again, these weren’t very concrete answers, but well, I think enough for me to close the open questions. Jana did get lots of videos, so well, I’ll get to revisit the experience in due course.

  Now that doc appointments have given way to “normal” life, we were able to squeeze in 30min of Netflix last night — so we watched Julie Deply’s “On the Verge”, a honest look at how our culture has forgotten middle-aged women. Funny. Well sadly funny.

  

  

  I’ve squeezed in very small and slow walks in a local park or two — like Centennial Park. It’s kindda crazy to see a live sized Parthenon in the middle of Nashville, but here it is. 🤷🏻‍♀️

  

  I’ve also had a chance to drop in on some phone calls related to social justice at my church (we are advocating for an amendment to the 13th amendment — slavery and indentured servitude are still legal in this country if folks are being punished for a crime, giving rise to the massive exploitation of prisoners in the prison industrial complex), and also regarding Dynaoptics (omg the company is still alive and has a handful of R&D contracts, amazing, but ok can we sell the company now please). Don’t think my brain and energy levels are all up to snuff, but I realise all these things help my sanity in what can be a very overwhelming transition.

  It’s been important for me to realise that much as I love Arden, that if I don’t have time away from caring for her and doing non-household chores, that I can go bat-shit crazy. Apparently 75% of all pregnant women get postpartum depression. When I do long shifts of caring for Arden, without doing things other than household chores, I’ve definitely noticed I get a little glum. Here is the survey they make me fill in at each of Arden’s and my doctor’s visits. It makes me a bit depressed just asking myself these not very nuanced questions over and over again. Sure I have cried! And yes sometimes I’m too exhausted to look forward with enjoyment to things! But generally, I’ve been blessed with a healthy mental constitution so I’m doing pretty well all things considered.

  

  Tandy and I have settled on 4 6-hour shifts. 8a-2p, 2p-8p, 8p-2am, 2a-8a. Easy enough! I went for a walk with Ouisie this morning after my shift and enjoyed the sunshine and fresh air 🙂🐶. Soon maybe we will have the energy and be brave enough to do fun things with Arden, beyond neighbourhood walks and doctor’s appointments. Off to take a nap now. 😴

  

• To the ends of the earth and back
  by Li Han
  September 13, 2021

  My wife is a badass.

  

  

  Arden had a really tough night Friday night. Lots of gas, spit up and according to Aaliyah, was generally uncomfortable and up most of the night. She was on formula, and the next day, started developing a rash on her right eye.

  

  That’s when Tandy sprung into action and was basically unstoppable. All day Saturday, she plugged into all her networks, including groups we are new to on Facebook, and put the call out into the world for donated breast milk. After what must have been hundreds of text messages and communications, we started hearing back from moms as far away as Iowa and Georgia, ready to help Arden by pumping. But we needed an immediate solution — we just simply couldn’t imagine Arden going through another horrid night, eating something we knew didn’t sit right with her. And then… milk-pot!

  As it turns out, Sat was Sept 11th, and Daina decided she wanted to do a good deed to commemorate that fateful day. Since her family was going to be moving in November, she decided to give her stash of breast milk away, and connected with her lactation consultant (LC) to see if anyone needed help. PERFECT TIMING! Her LC happened to see our post, our families vetted each other, and boom, Tandy arrived home victorious at the end of the day with enough breast milk to last us a week or two.

  

  

  Arden was on breast milk all day today, and already, her rash is a little less angry. She did sleep most of the day today and probably hasn’t eaten enough, but it feels like she is needing to recover a bit.

  

  

  We will see how it goes. Arden sees the doc again on Tuesday.

  I have so much gratitude to be on this journey with Tandy, with someone so committed, so loving and so powerful in such complementary ways. As Leah pointed out tonight, we are both on paths that we would not be on, if not for the other. Not only is that a sign of the love and trust in our relationship, it is also an opportunity for growth and healing neither of us might have known. Amen to that!

  

• Sort of in the clear! But… got milk?
  by Li Han
  September 9, 2021

  

  Arden’s bilirubin reading on Tuesday came back at 13.9. Yay! This means that while the whites of her eyes are still a little yellow, that her little body is doing all the right things to clear up the bilirubin through peeing and pooping regularly. Today’s appointment though had her weighing 3 oz less than Tuesday, which is strange. So, we need to continue to focus on upping her milk consumption.

  I am still not producing enough milk though. Regular pumping has gotten me up to about half the required amount, but we are still needing to supplement approximately half an ounce each hour with something else. Certainly, there is formula, but we have also been the generous recipients of donated breast milk from these two mothers we recently got to know. I did have many questions go through my mind when feeding Arden breast milk from someone else’s boob. What do these moms eat? Are they on medication? I think perhaps my limited experience and exposure to this topic brought on initial discomfort. But after some research, learning about the topic — a vital tradition that has been lost through generations, and comparing its downsides to the downsides of formula, it seems like the right thing to do.

  

  So we have started an application to a breast milk bank to see if we can be regular recipients of breast milk, even if it is pasteurised. Even the very conventional doctors we currently see support this and will be writing a letter to the bank to this effect. Fingers crossed we get something to work!! I feel lucky I am not feeling any guilt I read many moms have around not producing enough. Thank goodness for zen training! It is what it is. We are doing all we can through teas and supplements (and pumping) to try and get the milk in. Wish us luck!! ❤️🎉

  

• Words of wisdom
  by Li Han
  September 7, 2021

  

  From a dear friend:
  
  “Do not misunderestimate the cunning of the baby which is likely currently lulling you both into a false sense of ease. Sleeps a lot, doesn’t cause too much bother, then…. they wake up after a couple weeks and it’s game on…… 
  
  My best next advice- after the rags- is don’t overthink it. Whatever you’re doing will be just fine. And, take care
  of yourselves. 
  
  And, finally, the secret marriage saver- rock - paper- scissors, in the middle of the night to decide who’s going in to feed, comfort or change the diaper. Usually, you will have a prior  understanding who’s on call. But sometimes you are just too knackered or irritated to step into the breech at which point you can invoke the Rock Paper Scissors - best two out of three- loser does the duty- no questions - no complaints- no do overs. Love to all three of you. ( looks like you got a decent swaddling game going, not professional level, but decent😀.”

  ---

  Posted with permission, and sent with love from our dear friend Geoffrey Gordon-Creed. 😅 Keep ‘em coming! We are heading to the doctor later today to check bilirubin levels — it was still high at 18.8 on Friday but since weight and bowel movements were trending in the right direction, docs decided to check in after Labor Day weekend. Fingers crossed!!

• Sorta getting the hang of it 👍🏼❤️🎉
  by Li Han
  September 5, 2021

  Tandy and I have survived the last few nights on our own! It takes a bit of discipline and planning — aggressively resting when we are off-shift, and treating the shift like a real job one must have energy for! We are developing our intuition in relation to the little one, sharing tips and tricks that have worked on our shifts, and there have been less episodes of inconsolable crying. I know things will change just as we get the hang of things, but hey, I’ll take the little victories. We even went for a very slow walk around the block today with Ouisie!

  I’ve also had some time to read about post-partum healing. Very interesting so far and some thoughts on that to come.

  

  Be sure to check out the new “gallery” we put up with photos and videos! I hope y’all (grandparents especially..) enjoy!

• How do I soothe thee? Let me count the ways…
  by Li Han
  September 3, 2021

  

  I consider myself decent at “being with,” or “being present” with people (especially when I have slept and am not under duress 😬) — that is: calmly being with their energy, intuiting what or who I want to be in the moment to have the most positive, connected experience coming out of that interaction.

  Soothing screaming babies at night is a whole other deal. It’s easy to have the TPM (technical program manager) in me go through the checklist — fed? dirty diaper? burped? need some soothing movement or sounds? But when you’ve gone though the checklist and nothing works, then what?

  

  That’s where Jedi-level baby whispering comes in. I had one of those inconsolable Arden moments last night on my shift, and the screaming was loud and long enough for Tandy to come downstairs and check on us. within minutes, Tandy got her in a position she was comfortable in, talked to her and held her (or sometimes not stroking her purposely) and fed her in a way that soothed little Arden, and all was well in the world again. I am so grateful for Tandy and her mad skillz! Watching her be with our baby was indescribably delightful — I am so in love them both 😍

  Feeding guidance is 2-3 oz in 2-3 hours. Arden drinks maybe an oz in an hour, every few hours. So from 1230a to 8:15a today, she had a total only of about 2.5oz. That’s not a lot!! But she did have a big poop, and then two little ones after. We go into the doctor today to suss out her bilirubin levels. A reading of 20 requires hospitalisation and Arden got up to 18.5. Hopefully, our outdoor sun efforts, together with trying to get as much food in her as possible, will lead to much lower readings today.

  

  And thank goodness for friends who come by at unearthly hours to do what seems like unreasonable things for us! Ingrid took the 630a-9a shift. As a mother of 3, and associate dean at Vanderbilt Law school, the INCREDIBLE kindness and generosity she has shown us is mind-blowing. She’s like the world’s most expensive and overqualified doula 😬 We love you Ingrid! Thank you so much.

• Arden pooped twice today!! 🎉🤸🏻‍♂️💩
  by Li Han
  September 1, 2021

  For the first time since Arden’s birth, I feel finally able to rest deeply into the pleasure and joy of our little baby.

  

  

  Being able to take a shower in my own home on Sunday was a good start (the “family room” we were put at the hospital the last night had no windows…). I was so glad to be sprung free!!

  

  https://videopress.com/v/ob3w5m5D?resizeToParent=true&preloadContent=metadata

  Having said that, we have been in and out of medical facilities every single day since then because of Arden’s elevated bilirubin levels, my body’s inability to produce enough milk, the somewhat significant bruising she had on her way out, and her being half-Asian…if jaundice continued, she might have been at risk of developmental issues. The two poops today really mark the turning point of this issue (we hope) and the relief is absolutely palpable.

  

  

  The three most challenging parts of this week has been the incredible exhaustion, pain in the nether regions as I sit up to feed, and Arden not getting enough food to flush the bilirubin out of her system. All this while navigating doctor appointments / moving around etc. There has definitely been some overwhelm, but we are so lucky to have been held by Jana (who was here the whole week with us keeping us and the house sane) and Ingrid, who has come by the hospital and house with all kinds of food and help). It ALWAYS takes a village and we are so grateful that Arden will grow up to know these powerful and incredible women, who already love her.

  

  

  We have also been blessed to have some help from Aaliyah, a post-partum doula who has supported us two nights now, through the toughest nighttime feeding regime. She is a gentle, experienced, healer with culinary training and we are so fortunate to have her support a few nights a week. From 9p to 7a, she takes care of Arden’s needs, brings her to me for feeds, and between feeds supports our home with some light housework and cooking. She is a godsend.

  

  Speaking of cooking, Tandy has really taken on providing me with healing brews under the tutelage of my cousin Fiona. ah the familiar smells and tastes Gogi berries, red dates, dang gui etc. Thank you so much Fiona!!! (And Tandy for taking care of me of course).

  

  It’s been a very peaceful day. Arden sleeps through the day and it was at first very worrying that she wasn’t eating enough, then very challenging at night because she stays up a lot of the night fussing. We will see what happens today. Here is what it is like trying to rouse her to feed (wasn’t very successful) Apparently A lot of babies are much more active at night then during the day like they are (and Tali was) in-utero.

  https://videopress.com/v/sw1rhZfh?resizeToParent=true&preloadContent=metadata

  

  

  I will spare you photos of the indignities of motherhood, like having to wear breast pumps around the house. Sending love to everyone ❤️❤️

• No rest for the bleary!
  by tandysolo
  August 29, 2021

  In the interest of brevity, I’d like to say that I am entirely in awe of Li Han’s resilience in the face of this new human’s constant and immediate need for her body. It’s been 51 hours now of pretty much non-stop nursing — right on the heels of 36(?) hours of her body racking itself open, and then pushing to deliver a human. Miracle de Dieu!

  

  We’re adjusting to this new reality as we get used to this exquisite new human.

  We’re hopeful to be home tomorrow; much depends on the effectiveness of the blue light machine.

  

  The days meld together; I’m sure there are already 1000 images of this child. But here are two of my favorite Li Han- Tali moments. I can’t link the videos here but can share if you text me:

  

  

  We are so grateful that our child is strong and healthy. And she’s relatively serene much of the time! We’re very blessed to introduce you to our first child, your grandchild, cousin, niece, and perhaps soon-to-be friend: Arden Leigh Solomon-Chan. Come visit us!

  With love and great rejoicing,

  Li Han & Tandy

• Sun-tanning
  by Li Han
  August 28, 2021

  

  I had jaundice too. Apparently Tali was screaming like a wounded hyena and so got kicked out of the nursery 😂 back in the room with us now and just chilling.

  They have had two massive merconium dumps in the diaper. How in the world does something so small make so much poop? I swear Tali poops more than Ouisie right now.

• Contractions toughen you up for breastfeeding!
  by Li Han
  August 28, 2021

  Enough said. Tali has superhuman suction coming out of that little mouth so it’s nipple cream all the way. I’m grateful it seems they are latching and feeding well. Two massive black blowout poops. I had no idea babies did that so early on.

  Tali also has jaundice (as did I when I was born). So 12 hours under a little blue light. I hope they enjoy the suntan. I’m heading to bed. I was looking forward to being home and regaining the other half of me… there are waaay too many interruptions from a stream of attentive medical staff and administrators to have this be peaceful… but then again it’s nice to have access to a nursery where we left Tali there for a few hours tonight and got some sleep.

  

  

  We have settled on a name and Tandy will write from home 🙂 ❤️❤️ last opportunity to place your bets on gender! 😅

  

• Greetings from the post-partum ward!
  by Li Han
  August 27, 2021

  I finally feel like half a human being again. I’m here with Tali, nursing. And then Tali just falls asleep in my arms. Motherhood sure is quite something. ❤️

  

  What an intense experience that was (my vocabulary is failing me for a more appropriate and descriptive word…) It wasn’t the 38 hours from water breaking to birth, not even the 28 hours of active labouring. it was when pitocin was administered at about 8 or 9am yesterday. So I’m going to recount the experience here – a useful way to process it!! Pitocin is a contraction inducer and as folks who have had it before know, the contractions are stronger than natural contractions.

  And yep, they sure as hell were. I have never felt such physical pain in my life. Earlier contractions I could breathe through, letting out gutteral sounds as I let the pain through my body and relaxed into the pain. Pitocin-induced pain was all-encompassing. The pressure applied to my back was helpful but only did so much. I could barely open my eyes, grabbed the railings of the hospital bed really hard to counter the energy running through me, and instead of relaxing into the pain, I found myself with outstretched legs like someone suffering from a seizure, tensing everything inside my body, and yelling in a higher pitch as I couldn’t bring the relaxation to my body to let the pain pass through. I couldn’t consistently bring on the guttural grunt in the exhale.

  In the midst of all of that, I knew I needed a form of pain management. My friends Minnie and Ingrid both warned me about pitocin… so I was ready to have that conversation. Three options on the table were (1) nitrous oxide – commonly known as laughing gas (2) IV pain meds (3) an epidural. I elected to begin with the nitrous oxide. To give you a sense of where my mind was, it was entirely impossible for me to actually focus on the instructions given to me by the new nurse who came to set things up and I told her as much…

  If all hell didn’t already break loose before, well it sure did here. The nitros oxide experience was entirely discombobulating. First of all, because I wanted to suck it all in to get pain relief, I found myself focusing on deep inhales, rather than the “slow” exhales which I was doing before as part of pain management. Secondly, because it made me a little loopy, I couldn’t focus on when a contraction was actually going to happen and wanted to keep inhaling the dam thing. And thirdly, while I was able to time some nitros oxide to provide pain relief properly, I was so exhausted that I actually feel asleep for a few seconds and then didn’t prep soon enough for the next contraction, which would hit me like a ton of bricks. I think I tried to get into a rhythm for about 30-45minutes and then I was like ok I’m done, this is not the very tense and unrhythmic birth experience I wanted. Bring on the epidural.

  Thank goodness the anaesthesia team arrived quickly and gosh, set up so very quickly. I was administered to (thank goodness) not by the sweet second year resident who had briefed me earlier (who had done an epidural only 5-10 times by his own admission), but by his attending physician. She was amazing, compassionate, laser sharp and executed beautifully. I felt so incredibly lucky that the gap between two contractions when she was putting in the needle seemed a little longer than usual. I had two more very intense contractions in which I had to sit up and have my back bent to her and not move. And I dug my heels and arms into Tandy really hard, who was was sitting in front of me. And then I felt nothing.

  The peace brought about by the epidural was such a contrast and heavenly. A cervical exam was performed and lo and behold, I was 8.5cm dilated through my own efforts. So close (10cm is when you can start pushing). Epidurals can slow labor a lot and there is a slight preference for getting thing to around 6-7cm before an epidural. So we were all set. And then I finally slept, on and off for about 4 hours. Pitocin was administered halfway in to continue inducing regular contractions, and like wow, I felt absolutely nothing. So blissful! I mean I couldn’t walk around or anything but by this point, I was so exhausted and ready for some cushy comfort 🙂

  By about 5p, I was 9.5cm dilated and we were joking with the midwife and nurses that we needed to get Tali out by 7pm before their shift change so we could experience the joyful arrival together. When Una the midwife opened my labia, she could see Tali’s skull!!! They set up a standing mirror where I could see what was going on, and now I had to figure out how to “push the right thing” without any feeling down there. The first set of three pushes put so much pressure in my head I thought my face was going to explode. 🤯 over time though I was about to find my groove and direct the energy downwards, even though I really couldn’t feel anything. Very soon, I could see Tali’s crowning head, and shoulder and then ploop! Out they were. Apparently there was a high-five on the way out and that caused a tear (two stitches).

  Tali did come out a bit purple, so they were rushed to the little open incubator next to my bed to make sure there were alright. Tandy was there the whole time making contact with Tali and within 10min, all was declared well. Una the midwife was working on pulling out the placenta (holy moly it’s huge) and then proceeded to sew me up. I did lose more blood than usual and apparently it all dripped to the ground. I watched with fascination at the gore. Pools of blood and amniotic fluid, what looked like rags covered in blood stuffed inside me to stop the bleeding. And I physically felt nothing. Absolutely surreal.

  So, that’s about that. Tali then came to me and now y’all are all caught up 🙂 thank you for sending all your love and congratulations. I’m just reading them now and feeling so grateful for the wonderful love and support we have around the world. We send our love.

  

  I also know folks are anxious for the gender reveal and Tali’s “real” name!! Haha. Soon enough. We’re just spending time with Tali and we’ll write more soon ❤️🎉😍🥰 I hope you enjoy not knowing for a bit, because you will know it for the rest of your lives. 😬🤗

• And now we are three!
  by tandysolo
  August 27, 2021

  mama and baby are thriving. baby was born at 6:21 PM central time, More later but mama is sleeping and my hands are full with this exquisite, serene, beautiful baby and we’re the only two typists in the room!

  Thanks for being with us on this beautiful ride.

  

  

• Now I know why they call it labor
  by tandysolo
  August 26, 2021

  Kidding, I always knew, but now I KNOW know, if you know what I mean.

  

  

  

  Baby is good, Momma is good. But it’s been a ride. Baby still inside. 

  Anyone reading this is beloved to us — you’re either family, longtime close friends, part of our cherished community in some other sacred way. So yesterday Li Han promised her family that she would share the whole journey, and that it may get gory. Before she fell asleep just now, she asked me to update you and when I asked what to share, she said, 

  “they’ll want to know it all.”

  So if you’re sqeamish, just pass over this one. I deleted a couple of videos because there was too much blood and humanity in them for comfortable sharing, and I hope she won’t mind. 

  Main things:

  1. We’re so blessed to have amazing medical people among you who have been on the wing, helping us make decisions along the way. Thank you. We also have a great medical team here at the hospital.
  2. Li Han has been so grateful for all of your communications and gifts of encouragement. Your texts and emails have been comfort and succour.
  3. Unmedicated, Li Han labored with contractions from about 1 AM last night til about an hour ago and got to 8 centimetres dilated. However, the combo of ”decels,” or indication of baby distress during contractions, along with what looks to have been ineffable pain, means that Li Han and her team chose to introduce an epidural about an hour ago.
  4. The medical team have prepared a “labor tray” so they’re planning for a natural delivery but the midwives have several times told us to not rule out cesarean. However, the nurse just came in and said that the baby looks really good and she thinks it’s very unlikely at this point.
  5. I’m going to skip the hours of drama — most of you have given birth or are married to people who have — and just post some pictures. Li Han is healthy and not in pain anymore and the baby looks good!
  6. With luck, it’s likely that we will have a baby by the end of August 26th — a birthday present for birthday twins grandmother Rosalind and Uncle Jin Han!
• Sh*t’s gettin’ real, y’all!
  by tandysolo
  August 26, 2021

  Well, it’s a rare quiet moment in the womb cave, otherwise known as the labor and delivery unit. 

  Katie the birth Doula is finally catching some sleep and I’ve been pushing hard on Li Han’s lower back during contractions. 

  This is a slow process and I hate that she’s in so much pain given that, 30 hours in, she’s still not yet in what they officially call ‘active’ labor! Typing this on the interstices — here are some pics. 

  A bit later: It’s gotten pretty intense so you might not hear from either of us before the baby comes. 

  Blessings to you all!

  

  

  

• And so we go!!
  by tandysolo
  August 26, 2021

   Well, it’s a beautiful morning for a baby to be born!

  I am in a Lyft heading back to the hospital with a variety of things that Li Han has chosen to make her feel more strong and more at home.

  I had the blessing of our amazing birthing Doula to be with Li Han overnight while I went back home to sleep. Now the real work begins and I had no idea the emotional impact I would feel from hearing my beloved in pain. Clearly I did not watch enough birthing videos! I find myself irrationally angry at the baby for causing this extraordinary discomfort.

  I imagine that those of you who are spouses and partners and non-birthing parents have felt that feeling.

  Are very dear friend Jana has arrived and, in addition to our dear friends Ingrid and Eva visiting last night, it is like old home week, this birth, everyone coming together to be with Lihan as she and her body usher in this miracle.

  that’s enough from me! Heading upstairs to labor and delivery with a yoga ball, some of Lihan‘s favorite pieces of art, a beautiful Dreamcatcher given to us by our dear friend Anne, And some homemade soup that li Han requested but that I believe she is now too far along to be allowed to eat.

  I thought about so many of you in the middle of the night, so many of you whom we adore and respect who have been through this process. We will continue to have so much to learn from each of you. All hail, MOTHERS! 👶💚🔆💚👶

  

• Napping…ha!
  by Li Han
  August 26, 2021

  Labouring since 1:15am.

  

  

  

  Lots of loud breathing and exhalations. No cussing yet.

• Ouisie says goodnight!!
  by Li Han
  August 26, 2021

  

• Late decels
  by Li Han
  August 26, 2021

  So it turns out maybe Tali wasn’t into the cytotec. In the hour I was monitored after I returned from the walk, we saw some “late decelerations” — meaning after a contraction, baby’s accelerated heartbeat (they like the variability above the blue), decreases to “below baseline” (see arrow where it drops to around 130 where my baseline is around 140)

  

  Sorry was interrupted there. Anyhoo. Trade offs / options are (1) my contractions are too close to potentially have another round of cytotec. (2) my water broke about 19 hours ago and we want to minimise risk of infection. I’ve already had two exams and sticking a mechanical device inside my cervix to enlarge it to 4cm may increase that risk. (3) pitocin to ramp up the contractions slowly, but that means labouring through the night. (4) do nothing for a few hours and see where we are after a night’s rest and see if either things start becoming more intense by themselves or we start pitocin in the AM.

  Supported by our AMAZING and dearest friend Cindy, who owns a birthing center in Berkeley (Pacifica Family Maternity Center), and perhaps unsurprisingly, we chose to go with option 4.

  So off to try and sleep we go. Contractions have gotten a bit more painful, around 5min apart. But still no cussing yet. And if I’m posting here, it obviously means it doesn’t hurt thaaaat much.

  Night y’all! TBC.

• Shift change!
  by Li Han
  August 26, 2021

  So we have a new nurse Ada and midwife Amanda. Both seem nice 🙂

  

  

  

  Contractions are a bit more frequent now, and a bit more painful. But still not screaming or cussing yet. 😬

• Oral Cytotec underway!
  by Li Han
  August 25, 2021

  I was examined at about 430p. I’m 1cm dilated and the midwife was able to touch Tali’s head!!! 😱 Tali’s very first human touch. 🤗

  I’m still in the very early stages of labor so took some oral cytotec to soften the cervic. We will look at where we are in about 4 hours (~9p central). I did have a long contraction (right after I went to the bathroom) that didn’t feel like much but Tali didn’t like it and their heartbeat fell quite a bit. all is good now and am on a saline IV. Going back to reading and hopefully will fall asleep for a bit.

  Chances are Tali will arrive on the 26th!! That’s my mom’s and brother’s birthday. How crazy is that. ❤️❤️

• Meet Katie our birth doula!
  by Li Han
  August 25, 2021

  

  Katie’s amazing and we connected immediately. She’s given birth to two children herself and attended to many births — we are birth number 146!!

  

  Tali is still just hanging out and I’m not in crazy pain. Looking like we will explore some induction support in just a bit.

• Getting set up in the hospital
  by Li Han
  August 25, 2021

  

  

  

  I’ve also been using the breast pump to try and induce contractions naturally. I feel like a cow!! 🐮

  

  I am having mild contractions about 15-20mins apart. Going for a walk 🙂

• Our baby is coming!
  by tandysolo
  August 25, 2021

  Dear family and friends — 

  We’re writing to let you know that our baby Tali (womb name, will change soon!) had chosen to be born today.

  🥰👶🥰

  Li Han’s water broke at 4:45 AM and we are at the midwives’ office getting a pre-labor check. We’ll likely head to the hospital about 4 PM unless this check-up suggests we should head over earlier.

  I’ll update every few hours at this link and you can click a box there if you’d like to have regular email updates. 

  Thank you for having been with us on this rather long journey to get to this point and we look forward to being with you on the journey ahead as new parents!

  With love and gratitude,

  Li Han and Tandy

  

• Before all this went down…
  by Li Han
  August 25, 2021

  • 

• • •