Arden is out of the woods, turns 4 weeks old tomorrow!

No pun intended, but the doctor literally said it today, Arden is out of the woods!

She weighs 8lbs 3.9oz, and has a bilirubin level of 10.6, down from 11.9. Yaay! It’s really wonderful to be able to settle into this (at least until the next thing comes up…). She measures 52cm, though I’m really suspicious of the consistency of those measurements given how squirmy babies are… So, not a tall baby, but well, that makes sense 👍🏼😂

Arden doing her job eating while her sister sniffs her head.

We had a few days where she was fussing a lot and had plenty of gas coming out both ends with a good amount of spit up. So instead of rotating her on a diet of different donor milk each day, Tandy did some research and decided it was better to have her stick to just one donor’s milk at a time (supplemented by my milk) — the theory being similar to feeding a dog — don’t introduce new foods without phasing it in. And that seemed to have gone well these last two days. I have to remember that Arden is doing many of these things for the first time in her life (breathing air! peeing! pooping! drinking milk! digesting milk in an ever growing stomach!), and it’s going to take a while for her to get used to, and get better at, doing all these things.

I very much appreciate the human body — it’s really an amazing organism. Here are a number of physical changes occurring in the household.

my belly button outie is back to being an in-ie! I lost 15lbs immediately after birth, and another 5lbs since then. I basically fit into my old clothes (snugly) except the most unforgiving pants.
I feel like my organs have “dropped” lower in my body
Arden looking a bit more Asian!
Arden’s hair is growing darker, but still has one blondish eyebrow
Arden’s lost her baby smell! (it was wonderful while it lasted 🙂 )
Arden’s found her fingers / hand to suck on and soothe herself.

My breast milk is still pretty slow in coming in and hasn’t particularly increased (still around half an oz an hour or so). Pumping was making me nauseous and seemed correlate to pain in my breast tissue even when I wasn’t pumping. So for the last few days, I’ve exclusively hand-expressed/massaged into the haakaa (the invention of which is a life-saver). I try to massage my breasts as often as I can to stimulate it, and also to reduce engorgement. This, combined with Arden being a cluster/slow feeder, means I nurse her only about once a day — when I have milk in the boob and when she is “hungry”. I feel a little sad about this when I think about it… it’s the sort of bonding thing that books and images tell you about. But then again, the convenience of feeding her via the bottle is pretty nice, and it’s not like we’re not bonding on other ways (I hold her all the time), so I’m alright with it.

Cuddle time when I am slightly more kempt

Arden has very much developed an interest in the world. She is awake a lot more, curious, and always looking around with those dark eyes (except when she is fussing with her eyes closed ha). She seems to know what we are saying sometimes and “helps us out” when we make a request to open her mouth or move her arm. She loves to look out of the window, or at the chandelier, and well, has the cutest fingers and toes.

Those cute feet are connected to a cute baby!!

Fussing with her eyes closed

It’s tempting to want to do other things when I’m with her, like read, or write a post, straighten up the house, but I remind myself that these early days are so precious (how have four weeks already passed?!) and that all I need to do (i) is go slow and keep my heart full to heal, (ii) rest as much as I can, (iii) be in community, (iv) stay connected to love and be present in each beautiful (or sleepless) moment.

Having said that, we/I have been doing a bit more, and I feel very blessed to be able to have this experience and lead this life.

Another first — both parents sitting in the front of the car!!

I cooked for the first time this week! Roast chicken that was yums 🤤

Little Arden is safe and healthy and Tandy and I love each other very much and are absolutely enjoying parenthood together. Two of the most valuable insights I’ve had so far are (i) That giving birth and the postpartum experience has for centuries and across cultures been an act of community, tradition and ritual that women are fortunate to have a chance to be a part of — where they are taken care of, held and loved by their community. This isn’t today’s reality for so many unfortunately. I realize I’ve been lucky to experience some of this, but gosh, if I had tuned into this earlier, my entire previous occurring of how difficult and lonely this journey was going to be in these early months and weeks, would have been different; (ii) I feel like I’ve been a terrible friend to all my mother friends as they have gone through birth and recovery!! I see now how people who have been through it before know what to do and how to help, and I really had no idea how best to be of service and support them. Well, I know now!!